I have been wondering a lot about life lately. Too many times I said “Life is unpredictable”, “Live life to the max”, Live without regrets”, blah blah blah… But what is it that I want to do to really live without regrets?

What I want to do is not what my alter ego wants. Then I have regrets, for some decisions I made were for my alter ego.

I’m struggling with the war in me.  Do you know how it feels like?

But on a positive note, I’m keeping myself happy and be thankful to everything.  I believe showing gratitude is the only way that can lead me to the right path. I’m trying!!!

I wonder if my blood runs the adrenaline of misery. Happiness seems short-lived.

I feel so terribly sad, lost, like dying…

Why am I so alone……?

I’m having mixed feelings this week. There are lots of things to worry and vex about. Am I asking too much?

I don’t know why. I’m just not satisfied with many things. Sighs!!!

FINALLY!!! I have some time for MYSELF!!

Been extremely busy for the past few months… and at last, my events/projects were accomplished!

So what’s coming up?

Our new house!!! Got the keys last week!! Meeting the fengshui master on Monday to audit the house… Then meeting IDs to design our house… It’s seems like forever to wait for the house to arrive and finally… we will be moving in this year (hopefully the reno will finish faster!)!

Recently I’ve been thinking that I need to know many new friends/sidekicks/buddies. My besties are pregnant or become new parents. Faint!!! Suddenly everybody is so busy getting pregnant!!? I hate it when people ask… “When is your turn?” Sometime it is very irritating + sickening to hear that kind of question… If I’m pregnant, I will tell you. So stop asking.

Sighs. Sianz.

Anyway.. watch this! Nice song + pretty girls!

There is so much to say… so much to complain… so much to boast… so much to be thankful about.

All these (missing) while, I’m like losing faith and hope, drifting away to nowhere. And sometimes, one really need a push to get inspired / motivated.

I’m just glad that I’m fortunate and blessed in many ways.

WORK
I have never been so busy and stress in my life. My work is super hectic and been staying late in the office just to get things done rightly. Thanks to that irresponsible fucker who left his shits in a big mess before leaving. I have to blame myself so taking things for granted for beliving he will get things done nicely before depart. I’m so goddamn wrong!! I just hope I can salvage as much as possible. And thank god for letting me to have a supportive and understanding boss!! I’ll be in Do-Not-Disturb mode till the D-Days from 20 – 23rd April.

BIRTHDAY
One year older. I’m so sad. . And I’m about to inaugurate into the grand 30 in another 2 years time. *Ops! Secret revealed* Oh gosh!!! What have I been doing for the past 28 years?  There’s so many things I’ve yet to fulfill. No time and no youth to waste… I have to buck up now… NOW!!!!

Still, I’m thankful to my mum who cooked the vermicelli with 2 big eggs for me and my husband who spent the day with me at the beaches. Also thanks to my friends who remembered my birthday and sent their birthday wishes to me via SMS and Facebook!!

LIFE
I’ll have to settle my work first. Then quickly decide whether to take up the baking course or the PR course. Then decide whether to travel and where. Then …………………………….

All the very best to myself. Oh yesh… I miss my sister Jamie. Can’t wait to see her after her Nepal trip!!!

The new year has arrived. It is always a good time to reflect on what have been done in the past year and improve and go for a better new year.

The global downturn has caused setbacks to most people. I hope everything will pick up soon, people get decent jobs, well paid, healthy and everyone on earth live in peace and harmony!

As for me… I’m still doing my new year resolution. This time I can to keep it simple and realistic. Haha! But first of all, I thank the universe, the goddess and my family, friends and those stupid people who made me a stronger person. I’ve grown so much wiser now.

Now I enjoy life and appreciate everything surrounded me. I have no stress but eustress. I love myself so much that I want to muack myself.

Again, Happy New Year to all.

I am so tired. I have attended copywriting course with British Council for the last two days. I love my class and the trainer. We were all a bunch of funny people. I learnt many useful tips from Su, the trainer and got to know new friends. And today and tomorrow I’m attending Adobe Flash course. The trainer is so good that he kept going on and on without breaks and we even have to tell him that we need lunch and time to go home. He is a very young and promising chap BUT he is way too long winded. OMG… I can’t help to laugh at him. Poor chap.

I’m quite worried with my work… not knowing what’s for me when I return to office. I am so busy that I stay late everyday just to get things done properly. I am a lone soldier who fight alone. I simply cannot trust others to do my work. I must admit that I am a 101% workaholic now. So sad.

Today after my course I went to window shop alone. I bought a Dior lipstick and wanted to buy a pair of shoes but I just cannot find a nice pair. I think I’m quite pitiful coz I had dinner alone. Sometimes I hate to be alone. I like to spend time on my own but t is ironic when you want to be alone but don’t want to feel alone. I think I’m crazy.

Can’t be bothered anymore. I’m totally drained. Good nite.

I hate this word ‘busy’. The more I hate, the more busy I become. That’s how the secret works.

Again, I have never-ending projects, tasks and lots of responsibilities. My boss has went for her maternity leave and I have to deal with the upper management for decision and approval for the projects I’m handling now. It is a challenge, really. 

Supposed to go back to office to settle some work, then I thought why should I? I’m not going to ruin my weekend in the office again! Work and life must be balance and this is what I have been lacked of. Next week I’ll be having courses from Monday to Thursday. Shiok? I don’t know if this sweet escape will turn out to be a disaster when I return to work?! Eeeeeww… Way NO! I’m keeping my fingers crossed!!!

So it is time to wind down the busy life and I’m looking forward to fly off to my 2nd year anniversary with hubby! We have been married for two years… so fast. Where are we going this time? Hee… (to be continue). :P 

I would have said, “Oh… I have a wonderful day at work today!” And I feel like this……

I under tremendous stress lately. Partly because of my promotion and to juggle 2 positions until the new assistant comes in. I have too many things to handle. My boss has been very supportive and most of my colleagues are understanding except for a few. I don’t want to name that faker. I’m totally disappointed. Because of my promotion that breeds green-eye monster? I have to pretend that I am okay but I don’t feel like one today. In fact I have been pissed by a darn fucking faker since yesterday (which is Wednesday) till today. Never never judge a person by its look — IT IS DECEIVING!!! Can you imagine when someone is trying all means to sabotage you, bring you down and trying to make you look incomptent and on the same time trying to be friendly to you!!? That shitty faker!

Familiarity breeds contempt!!! Being nice to people is ALWAYS a disadvantage. They ALWAYS take you for granted. I’m not saying I’m a very nice person but at least I talk and do things diplomatically. Unlike some idiots, they think they are very smart, they know everything, everybody love them and so they like to bring nice people down and make nice people look stupid. Hell to all those egocentric idiots!!!

I want those stupid idoits to leave me alone! I want those stupid idoits to shut their bloody bad breath mouth! I want those stupid idoits to disappear forever!

I want to work happy and stress-free! I want my projects to run smoothly and complete with excellence! I want a big fat bonus next month! HAHAHAHA!!!

I just want to be happy, really.

Today is Deepavali, a public holiday and I don’t have to work. So glad that I can rest one more day as usually the weekend is never enough for me.

Last evening after I finished my dinner, Xinyi called me and asked me out for dinner with May, Jeff and GH. As I just had my dinner and too lazy to go out, I told them to go ahead without me. But then May called up again and used her position as a mum-to-be (she’s pregnant) and wanted me to join them for some catch up. I asked Baby if he keen to join but he didn’t. And so I agreed to meet them and they came to fetch me. We went to Parkway, they had steamboat and I watched them eat. Ha! But it was fun as we seldom get together like this for a long time. We continue with our chat at the mac cafe and left at about 1am.

I love my dear sisters. They are really friends to keep for life! I’m grateful to know people like them.

Today I don’t really keen to go out. So lazy and my stomach hasn’t been feeling well for days. I started to pick up tarot reading again. This time I’m not going to give up halfway and i’m in intensive training now! I should be able to start giving reading very soon.

Lately, I have overwhelming tasks to do at work, mentally I am very stress. I hope the new assistant can help to ease the workload and I’m sure she can do well. Of course at times for the present situation, some people tend to do stupid things that irritates me. I don’t want to be specific but I hope that “whoever” can just respect who I am now. Sick of those stupid actions!  

It is raining heavily now. And thunder strikes loudly too. In such nice cool weather, I think my bed is calling me now……………………